DIFFERENT SPEEDS

Hearts and guts. They make up the meat of who we are. They are the navigators of our soul. There’s a strong connection between our heart and our gut feelings. Together, their ultimate goal is to bring forth who we really are. Helping them is our mind. When our heart and mind are in harmony with each other, we feel good. Our actions match what our heart is feeling and it’s as if we’re doing what we’re meant to be doing.

I’ve learned over the years that our heart and mind can operate at vastly different speeds. That is to say, sometimes what we’re thinking and what we’re feeling seem to be coming from two entirely different planets. We’ve all experienced this. We do something because it makes sense logically but our heart isn’t in it. Our mind is happy that we’re listening to it but our heart isn’t happy. On the other hand, we may pursue our heart’s desire despite the common sense counter-argument going on in our mind. There’s a sense of apprehension in our thinking (aka our mind) when we do this, but overall, we feel good when we follow our heart. When it comes to gut feelings, they can override what our minds are saying and they’re often right.

I currently find myself in a situation where I’m following the reasonings of my mind and not the longings of my heart. Despite my best intentions, despite the most logical arguments with myself in which I win in favor of my mind, my heart is struggling to follow suit. In truth, it feels like the lights have gone out in my heart. Even though it’s a struggle right now, I know this is only temporary. With patience and time, my heart will be up to speed again. Looking around to find what is good in each present moment has helped a lot. Staying open and being aware of anything that brings even the tiniest hint of joy is something I’ve always known in my head, but maybe it’s finally translating to my heart. (Now that’s another take on the way our hearts and minds work at different speeds.) Maybe that’s the lesson – slowing down to realize what joy can look like.

I’ve often heard that we need to listen to our heart because it’s telling us where our joy lies. I know this is true. But sometimes, in order to truly free our heart, we need to take the more uncomfortable road of our mind for a little while. Excuse my language, but this can suck big time. Don’t give up. Always keep the bigger picture in mind.

We’re very complicated creatures. We can be at odds within ourselves in ways we never imagined. Our hearts and minds are our driving forces and when they don’t agree with each other, we get thrown off balance. Striving to regain our balance is how we grow. Hang in there. 

SACRED PLACES

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out how we thought it would.

Sometimes curve balls get thrown at us and we jump so far to get out of the way we lose our place in the world.

Sometimes we deliberately step off the path we’re traveling on for the sake of others, not realizing how far off the path we’ll be going.

Sometimes these unexpected detours start to empty us inside.

We become numb.

We hide in a dark empty place to avoid sadness and pain.

We hide here to survive.

This dark place, this empty place, is really a sacred place.

In its emptiness, in its void, we can choose to plant sacred seeds

And our tears will water them.

These sacred seeds have names like acceptance,

Determination, gratitude and compassion.

If we allow them to grow,

If we allow them to fill the boundaries of who we are

And beyond,

We allow sacredness to be our breath.

We allow transformation to occur

In our souls.

This is the miracle.

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out how we thought it would.

Sometimes I wonder if this was the plan all along.

*May we keep the victims and families of the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado in our thoughts and prayers.

MY ‘PLACE OF PEACE’

I have a special place in my heart that I call my ‘Place of Peace’. It’s been with me for years. I must have pictured it a million times. It’s where I go when my world is full of commotion and my brain is on overdrive. I find peace and solace here, hence its name, ‘Place of Peace’.

I’d like to take you there now. Close your eyes and imagine you’re standing under tall shady trees. Sunshine peeks through the branches casting lazy shadows at your feet. Walking paths meander here and there around corners of hills and dales and the soothing sound of falling water comes from a gurgling brook nearby. Wildflowers peek out from behind rocks and bushes and the sights and sounds of little living creatures are everywhere. There’s a house here, very Zen-like, with white curving arches, old wooden beams, tucked away nooks, and lots of room for invited guests. Connected to this house by a crooked stone path is a structure composed of one long rectangular room. I like to think of it as a special place for the soul where one can meditate, contemplate, gather to celebrate, create, rest, relax, anything you want. One of its walls is made entirely of glass allowing the beauty of nature to remain with you even while inside. Its opposite wall slides open to a veranda, perfect for cloud watching, daydreaming, or moon gazing.

It’s been my hope to have such a ‘Place of Peace’ in real life. One of the main reasons is that I want people to be able to go to a place where they can calm their minds, experience serenity, connect with themselves again, and take peace home with them when they leave.

I’ve held this dream in my heart for a long time but I came to a realization a little while ago. I realized that I don’t need to manifest it in the real word - I can be my own ‘Place of Peace’. I’ve already created it inside of me. I’ve been carrying it with me wherever I go, experiencing its magic all along.

As for the main reason for my ‘Place of Peace’, I can do that, too. I can try to be a ‘Place of Peace’ for others. I can give them peace and leave them with peace in the way I interact with them. There’s a quote by Mother Teresa that says, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”  Kindness is a part of many things – listening, giving, receiving, having patience, showing compassion, to name a few. Kindness leads to peace and vice versa. In being these things with other people, I can make myself a ‘Place of Peace’ for them, or at least try to be. Of course, some people are easier to try with than others. It’s a learning process and a work in progress.

So my friends, what does peace mean to you? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Is it something you share? Are you acquainted with it? Remember, you’re always welcome to join me in my ‘Place of Peace’.

(As an aside, Japan has a special festival in honor of moon gazing called Otsukimi occurring every September.  I love the moon. Have you ever stopped to look out upon a moonlit night? Cloaked in ethereal blue moonbeams, the earth takes on a quiet stillness and mysteriousness not seen by the light of day. There’s a hushed tone to the air. It’s all very serene and soothing to the soul.)

SPREADING JOY

Random acts of kindness - they’re so great and wonderful. I love doing them. There’s a soul satisfying element to them. It’s like giving the gift of joy to others and ultimately, the gift of joy to oneself. For me, the best part of a random act of kindness is its unexpected nature. Recipients aren’t expecting the kindnesses bestowed upon them and this makes it all the more sweeter.

When I was 13 years old, I called the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon to donate some of my own money to their cause. I remember feeling so good and proud about donating. I felt like I was doing something really worthy. It was a way of helping people and making the world a little better. It continued to paying tolls for people behind me at toll bridges and handing out dollars to the homeless guy at the gas station. It was so satisfying to watch that man take my dollars and walk into McDonald’s to buy himself a hamburger and coffee. This inspired my skeptical dad to want to give, too. When my kids were younger, I’d make baskets filled with goodies and they’d help me leave them on doorsteps, ring the doorbell, and run away. We’d watch from behind a bush as the recipients of our baskets opened their doors to find the surprise waiting for them. Sometimes, when a salesperson has been especially helpful, I’ll ask for their supervisor. Their look of worry and dread turns into bashful smiles when I tell their supervisor what a great employee they have. So many people are quick to complain yet so few of us are willing to stop to praise and acknowledge those who deserve it. Try it sometime. You’ll feel great and so will they.

It feels good to give – words, deeds, unexpected gifts, even something as simple as a smile. Random acts of kindness spread joy and our world can use all the joy we can provide. In receiving random acts of kindness, people’s hearts are given a lift which adds a little spring to their step. It might even inspire them to pass on random acts of kindness, then more hearts will be lifted, more steps will be springy. Can you see the possibilities? Think about spreading joy in your little corner of the world. You’ll be uplifting others and feel uplifted yourself. I guarantee it.

FIREFLIES AND FROGS

The fireflies are out again. Last night I watched them from my deck. The air was silent and the darkness so still which made the beauty of the fireflies all the more brilliant. They twinkled by the hundreds, maybe even thousands, in the shadowy tree tops. It felt like each tree was part of a merry festival and I was an outsider allowed to watch but not join in because I lacked the necessary body part to party with them. I didn’t mind. I felt like I was in a fairyland, mesmerized by a magical show of pretty white lights sparkling like stars against the night sky. To top it off, all of this was accompanied by the peaceful croaking of night frogs, deep and soulful, nature’s musicians for the enchanting light show going on above them.

There’s something about stepping away from our man-made contraptions and entering the naked world of Mother Earth. I seem to return to my basic nature. Stepping into the night, I felt immediately at peace. It was just me and Mother Nature, nothing in-between. It felt comfortable and familiar. I could breathe easy again. The quiet of the night filled me up and enveloped me like a cozy cocoon. The fireflies and frogs were like icing on the cake, breathtaking and soothing at the same time. It felt simple and real.

Simple and real. If only we could keep all things simple and real. We live in a complicated world. Our lives have become so complex and full of this and that and what not and everything in-between. We don’t know if we’re coming or going, staying or leaving. Everything and everyone wants and needs our attention now, tomorrow, yesterday. We’re moving so fast through our lives, we forget to breathe. We forget who we are.

I know that my sanity hinges on stopping and slowing down the hectic pace of my body and especially my mind. If I don’t find some quiet time to just sit or close my eyes in silence and breathe, even if it’s only for 5 minutes, I start to feel very unsettled and out-of-sorts. I begin to lose myself and I become more reactive to people and situations versus thoughtful and conscientious. In other words, I begin to turn into an ugly monster. My family can testify to this.  

Being in Mother Nature always brings me back to who I am. All it takes is stopping and paying attention.  Look around, really see and breathe in, close your eyes and feel, touch with your mind fully present. I guarantee you’ll soon feel your heart smiling. It’s smiling because you’re in touch with who you are again. You’re back home and there’s nothing better than that feeling of peace in your soul.  Bring on the fireflies and frogs. Let the party begin…

BECOMING

Sometimes we wander our whole lives

Wondering who we are.

Growing up thinking we’re someone,

Realizing later we aren’t

That person anymore…

Or never was.

We’re constantly shedding

Our old identities

For new ones, better ones,

Wiser ones,

Happier ones.

We confuse ourselves with multiple identities

And travel paths of continuous renewal

Without even being aware of how

We’re metamorphosing more deeply

Into whom we want to be.

Succumb to the journey.

Grow your soul.

You are becoming.  

LEARNING FROM TREES

Today is a glorious day. The sky is clear, the sun is bright, a cool little breeze is blowing, and birds are singing everywhere. My neighborhood is filled with peace all because of beautiful Mother Nature. I feel more alive and vibrant on days like today. It’s as if the peace I feel outside my body is transformed into a liquidy balm of sweetness that oozes into every corner of my body and being.

I’m sitting on my front porch, reading and writing. People and creatures are going about their daily business. Bees are busy buzzing, little white butterflies are twittering about, and it’s so calm and peaceful even Dale, our resident chipmunk, has come to visit, sunning himself on our top step.

Towering above our neighborhood are giant white oak trees, standing twice as tall as our homes. I’ve always loved trees. I used to live in a pecan orchard amongst rows and rows of graceful pecan trees. Since then, I’ve come to view all trees as silent guardians, always present, day in and day out, no matter what conditions are like outside. They possess a majesty and in their silence, an air of mystery.

Sometimes, when all seems calm and quiet here close to the ground, you can hear a swishing and rustling of leaves seeming to come from far away. Looking up, you realize it’s the topmost branches of the oaks catching the wind in their part of the sky, dancing and swaying in ever expansive and graceful ripples. Their rhythm is beautiful to watch and soothing to listen to.

Marveling at the plethora of trees and blooming flowers around me, I’m reminded once again of something I read a long time ago. I can’t remember the exact words, but the message went something like this: “Look at that beautiful daisy; it cares not about the beautiful rose growing next to it. See that young pine tree; it cares not about the tall oak standing next to it. They cower not in self-comparison to their neighbor. They grow steady and strong, only eager and concerned with who they are and need to be, knowing there will never grow another daisy like itself, nor another pine like itself.”  

When I’m experiencing a bout of self-doubt, I think about this passage. Trees and flowers grow because they must, without giving thought to their neighbor. They don’t stunt themselves into growing less, into being less, because of who’s growing next to them. They grow proudly into who they’re meant to be. They stand tall and grow tall to show off their own unique beauty, to join together with their tall and flowering neighbors as a gift to the world.

I think about them and try to follow their example. I know, you’re saying they’re only trees and flowers with no minds of their own, who grow because of instinct. Yes, yes, that’s probably true, but give them credit for displaying a stoic spirit and strength of character…just by being who they are. Plus, haven’t you heard of plants growing better when spoken kindly and lovingly to? Just ask Prince Charles. (But seriously, it’s true.)

Trees, flowers, all plants for that matter, surely have a spirit all their own. They show us how to be ourselves, to grow into who we’re meant to be and not worry about comparing ourselves to anyone else. We’re all unique. There’s no one else like you or me. We could all learn from a tree.

GRANDMA

I dreamed of my Grandma last night and ended up crying in my dream so hard I woke myself up. Upon waking, in my delirious half-conscious state of that God-forsaken early morning hour, I began to cry again because I remembered seeing my Grandma and crying in my dream! And when I say crying, I don’t mean head-bent-with-silent-tears-rolling-down-my-face crying. I was sobbing – scrunched up eyes, twisted mouth, shoulders shuddering, short of hysterics type of bawling, even when I woke. Talk about wet dreams! 

In my dream, I seemed to be on some type of stage or platform, looking out over a room full of people milling about. It’s like I was at a party or social gathering of some sort.  There, in the middle of the room, surrounded by chatting people, was my Grandmother. She stood there quietly, not moving, not smiling, not frowning, just looking serenely at me through her glasses. For some reason, I began to sob in my dream.

My grandma died on July 6, 2011. She was a strong, no-nonsense lady who’d suffered as a very young girl but went on to live a very good life, dying at the age of 91. I remember her as a petite, vibrant woman full of spunk who was a good cook, a fervent sewer of patchwork blankets, stern but loving, and the cleanest housekeeper I ever did know.

I don’t know why I cried last night. Loved ones have visited me in my dreams before and I didn’t cry then. I hadn’t gone to bed feeling especially sad or stressed. Maybe I cried because it was unexpected. Maybe it was because of the way she looked. Maybe it’s because I miss her. Maybe because it was Grandma and she made the effort to come, to say she’s still here, still cares, and still watching. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful.

FRAGILE HEARTS

Why?

Why are our hearts so fragile?

What is the reason?

Why can’t I be tougher?

Why do we feel like we feel...deeply?

So deeply we go crazy.

Our hearts are fragile so that they can

Crack open.

Cracking open alters us,

Or we’d all be the same.

We’re all different –

Less cracks, more cracks,

Clean cut and simple,

Long, drawn out and jagged cracks,

All exposing the soft underbellies of who we are.

It’s brutal, this cutting and cracking,

Cutting and cracking.

How we deal, builds who we are.

You, me, them.

So this is our world:

Cracking to break open.

Cracking to cry.

Cracking to change.

Cracking to feel more fully.

Cracking to release our souls

To the raw elements of life.

Cracking to live and learn.

Cracking so that we can keep on

Cracking

Open,

Even when we don't want to.

PARENTHOOD

I had lunch today with a friend who’s a brand new mom. Her son turned one month old today. We were marveling at what a different world parenting is from that of non-parents. It’s the most difficult yet rewarding job a person could ever have. There’s a lot of trial and error involved. As parents, we try our best to do things right, yet, despite our best efforts, we sometimes get it so wrong. Plus, even when we think we’re doing everything right, you just never know what’s going on in the mind of your child, even when they’re grown.

As an example, my oldest son, Joey, suffered from a kidney condition during the first 5 years of his life. Thankfully, he’s since outgrown it, but at the time, it meant lots of visits to his pediatrician. During these visits, the doctor would invariably test his reflexes by tapping his knees and elbows with a rubber hammer. Joey always demonstrated excellent reflexes. It wasn’t until he was in college that he realized how the reflex test was really supposed to work – you relax your leg (or arm) and it automatically jumps when the doctor hits the right reflex spot. No, what he was doing was purposely extending his leg or arm as fast as he could after the doctor tapped on it. Hey, this was how the doctor could see how fast his reactions (and his reflexes) were…you just never know what’s going on in your child’s mind!

As parents, we commit a lot of accidents when it comes to our children. While walking with our infant in our arms, we accidently turn a corner too sharply and hit our child’s head on the wall. We accidentally forget a child at the park after a soccer game and he ends up running frantically after the van as we’re leaving. We accidentally run over our daughter’s foot with the car after dropping her off at school. We don’t check first and roll the automatic window up in the car only to have your daughter pee in her pants ‘cuz her head is getting stuck in the window. The list can go on and on. I feel especially sorry for our first borns, who must suffer the brunt of our “learn by trial-and-error” methods. (Please note that even though some of the children in the previous examples did suffer minor injuries after said accidents, they have since gone on to thrive and survive.) Thank goodness kids are tough and resilient. Thank goodness they bounce back. Thank goodness we parents don’t scare easily and run off into the woods.

So here’s to parents. Here’s to all of our foibles and follies when it comes to our children. We aren’t perfect. Never will be. All we have is perfect love for our children.

HAPPINESS

I watched Green Bay Packer wide receiver Donald Driver win the Mirror Ball Trophy on this season’s “Dancing With the Stars” show. He was so happy he literally lay down and rolled over and over on the dance floor. When Tom Bergeron, one of the hosts of the show, asked him how he was feeling, Donald burst out with a shout of excitement, he couldn’t contain himself. He was overflowing with joy; it was pouring out of him right into me and I had to join him and shout with joy myself. He gave me a happiness moment.

I strive to collect happiness moments. I used to think that happiness was a destination, a state of permanent being to aspire to when all things lined up perfectly in one’s life.  I viewed happiness as a goal at the end of the rainbow, a place to get to after doing hard time in the school of life. To me, happiness was a place in the future where I’d settle down and grow old in..…but not anymore.

After watching Donald Driver celebrate, I was reminded of how much my views on happiness have changed. I realize now that happiness is something we experience and gather along the way, in collected moments and experiences. It’s not a goal. It’s not a destination. It’s not something to put off until we have achieved everything we want to. We can experience happiness now, every day, anytime, anywhere.  You don’t have to wait for it.

Imagine your soul as a nice big room. You can fill it with all kinds of things-beautiful, ugly, sweet, smelly, warm, cozy, cold, harsh, or loving things. The choice is yours. Imagine moments of happiness as flowers. These flowers are growing all along our life journey paths. I used to have blinders on, looking only for the field of flowers I imagined growing at the end of my path, when my perceived perfect life would finally be realized. Well, guess what?  I may never reach this great big field of flowers I have my eyes on. Just because I have my perfect life planned out in my head doesn’t mean God and life will cooperate. The really sad thing about having blinders on is that I didn’t notice and appreciate the beautiful flowers already growing right beneath my feet and all around me. I didn’t stop to gather these flowers as I encountered them and my room suffered because of this.

I don’t know how I managed to take my blinders off. I only know that they’re gone now and what a difference this has made. My room is now full of flowers – soft hued tulips, orange daisies, vivid violets, red roses, white calla lilies, fragrant gardenias and tuberoses, pink carnations, purple orchids, bright bougainvillea, serene lotuses, and so much more. The colors and perfumed fragrances of the flowers fill my room and pave my path with joy.

I’ve stopped waiting for happiness to happen in my future. It’s right here and now. I’m going out to meet, greet, and make moments of happiness. I’m living a richer, happier life because I’ve learned to recognize and appreciate all the moments of happiness that come my way. They’re safe in my room. We all know it’s unrealistic to be happy all the time. Much learning and growth occur through pain and sadness. The great thing is that if you’ve taken the time to savor and collect moments of happiness, these can nourish you and help you to keep on going during low periods. You can draw on them for strength. They remind you that beauty is out there. You have proof living right inside of you.

Happiness can be had in great big chunks, but these big and momentous occasions are usually widely spread out in our lives. A more consistent and just-as-sweet way to stay sustained and nourished in happiness can be found in bits and pieces, in everyday acts, and in moments that take us by surprise. Taking time to smell the flowers has taken on a whole new meaning for me. It means stopping to savor and collect beautiful moments of happiness, like when my mood is suddenly lifted because my favorite song comes on the radio, or when I stop with my child to watch in fascination as storm clouds grow right before our eyes, or when I bite into that warm raspberry croustade I’ve been waiting to eat all day, or when Donald Driver’s joy reaches me through the TV screen and I have to whoop in joy with him. Happiness moments? Check. Flowers added to room? Check.

CHANGE

This year is a year of many changes. My oldest daughter got married in January. My oldest son graduated from law school earlier this month. My youngest child is about to graduate from high school in June and head off to college 2,700 miles away. My younger daughter will be leaving her college campus in the fall to study on a ship for four months in the Mediterranean Sea.

All of these changes are doing funny things to my heart. I’m happy for all four of my children. They’re growing up, becoming independent, venturing out into the wide, wide world to start lives of their own. This is what they’re supposed to do. This is what the job of a parent entails - teaching our children what they need to learn in order to succeed and be happy on their own. This is part of the cycle of life. I should be overjoyed, instead, I feel sad. I feel like I’m losing something.

I can say I’m losing my children, because it feels like I am, but this isn’t true. They will always be my children and I will always be their mother. I’ll just be mothering them from farther away, in a different manner.

What I’m feeling is a sense of loss. I feel like I’m losing my sense of place in their lives. After being their number-one-go-to-person since the day they were born, it’s hard to voluntarily relinquish this role to something or someone else. But this is part of the growing-up process, for children and for parents. We both need to step aside and let our worlds expand outside of each other.

Sometimes I think it’s harder for parents to allow room for their children to grow. In fact, it is harder for parents. I’m living proof. It’s a process that takes time. It requires a deliberate and conscious effort to release your child, who has been tethered so tightly to your heart since before birth. They, on the other hand, are eager to break their invisible bonds with us, excited to meet the world on their own terms. This is as it should be. They embrace their growth with arms wide open. I’ve gotten better at letting go with each successive child leaving the house. I’ve learned that the world doesn’t end when they spread their wings and fly away, although I still suffer through a mourning period each time.

All of this makes me realize that I’m a grown-up who is still in the process of growing up. I get a kick out of this. It makes me feel like a kid again. It means I still have potential. I don’t have to be stuck in who I am. I can grow and change…for the better, always, forever. It means I’m still learning new things, new ways of being, still realizing new depths to myself. We all are, all of us so-called grown-ups. That’s exciting. I’m learning to embrace change, to have the faith and courage to step around the corner to face the unknowns waiting for me. I’ve learned from past experiences that even when the thought of change brings dread, what lay ahead was just as good or better.

The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, said, “The only constant in life is change.” It’s a paradoxical statement, but it’s true. Change is everywhere – here, there, today, tomorrow, with me, with you, with everyone. It’s part of being alive. It’s scary and exhilarating…and it’s so necessary – to grow, to be vibrant, to learn our lessons, to expand our souls, to live, and to love. I invite you to be brave with me.  I invite you to be like our children.  I invite you to embrace change with open arms and allow life in.

A WAVE AND A SMILE

Something great happened today. A stranger waved to me and smiled and my whole attitude changed for the better. It was such a simple gesture but the consequences were great…and that surprised me.

I own a Mini Cooper. It was purchased in Germany while we were stationed there. In Europe, when Mini Cooper drivers encounter each other on the road, we wave to each other. It’s like we’re acknowledging fellow members in our exclusive “Mini Cooper Club” (similar to the “Corvette Club” here in the States). Upon returning to the continental United States, I found myself waving to other Mini Cooper drivers whenever I passed them by, however, 99.9% of the time, all I received back were blank stares. Disappointed time after time, I finally gave up on waving.

Fast forward to today, just another ordinary day with ordinary errands needing to be done. I head out in my Mini Cooper feeling a little bored and blah-like. As I wait for the light to turn green for a left turn, a white Mini Cooper comes driving by. I glance at the driver and lo and behold, she smiles and waves at me. Hey! She waved at me! What a shock…and pleasant surprise! Of course, I smile big and wave back.

Wow! All of a sudden, I’m feeling great. I’d given up on the fellowship of other Mini Cooper drivers, but here was a driver, a complete stranger, extending a friendly greeting to a fellow human being. How wonderful was that? And why was I so affected?

I think I was so affected because in waving and smiling at me, that driver was being brave and fearless in reaching out to make a connection with a complete stranger.  People don’t usually do this anymore, at least not the majority of people I encounter. In this day and age, we’re more prone to be suspicious and fearful of one another.

Our world seems a little colder than it used to be, especially with the explosion of personal hand held electronic devices in use today. We don’t look people in the eye as much as we used to. We don’t have actual conversations with each other as much as we used to. That driver’s wave and smile represented warmth. It was an actual old-fashioned hand wave and real mouth smile. It felt really good. Who would have thought such small gestures would evoke such nostalgia and feelings of good will? Not me. It took me by surprise, but I’m glad it did. It made me want to reconnect with everything and everyone around me in a really human way.

Suffice it to say, my errands were conducted with a much lighter heart …and I gave away a lot more smiles today, which added more smiles to my own pocket.

PRESENT MOMENT

“People sacrifice the present for the future and life is available only in the present moment.”

-        Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist Monk, Peace Activist

The quote above by Thich Nhat Hanh says so much. How can we really appreciate and savor the moments of our lives if we don’t pay attention to them while we’re living them? Worrying about the past or future takes you away from where you presently are, who you’re presently with, at this very moment. Being present ingrains that moment into your psyche.  You’ll have all of these moments inside of you, living in your heart and soul, present, forever, if you pay attention while they’re happening. Paying attention now means having no regrets later.

We are constantly being tempted to not fully live and be present in this moment. With the abundant use of electronic devices of all kinds in our lives today, we often ignore the person standing right in front of us who’s saying, “Hey, I’m here. Talk to me. Look me in the eye. Hold my hand. Let’s experience this moment together.”  So many of us take it to an extreme by using our electronic devices while driving. Talk about not being present…to the pedestrians, cars, and obstacles around us. Not being present here often has deadly consequences!

My last baby is leaving the nest. He’s off to college in the fall. He follows his three older siblings, out into the great world, beyond the comfortable walls of home…and he’s not afraid. I’m glad. It means I’ve done my job, the job I’ve had for the past 26 years. Where has the time gone? It seems like I blinked an eye and all of my babies were grown, wings spread, ready to fly away. When I think back to all the sweet moments spent with them, there’s a voice inside me saying, “I hope you were there, fully present with them, appreciating every precious moment.” I want to say that I was. When I close my eyes and feel what’s in my heart, it feels good. There are no regrets and for this I am thankful. 

Who I Am, Who You Are

I've always asked questions. As a child, my family would get exasperated at my endless quest of always asking for more answers than they could provide. I often wondered why no one showed more interest in what the world had to offer. Weren't they curious? Didn't they want to know? I was perplexed at their contentment in not knowing. What was wrong with them? I couldn't fathom not knowing or at the least, not asking. As I grew, I realized that I was in a very small minority.  In fact, I seemed to be in my own category. No one around me - friends or family - asked the type of questions I wanted answers to. Worse, no one seemed to care. It made for a somewhat lonely existence. The good thing is that it forced me to explore on my own, within myself and what I perceived around me. I've been called eccentric and deep. It suits me.

"Museful Being" is my space, my own personal place to ponder and ask my questions out loud without having to worry about being shushed or hushed. Here, I can ask and wonder about anything and everything to my heart's content without encountering baffled or blank looks on puzzled faces.

I have had the pleasure and privilege of one special friend with whom I converse intimately on deep and esoteric subjects. I never thought I'd find another soul on the same wavelength as me. It's made a world of difference in my life. I hope to share a lot of what we discuss.

In finding another like myself, I've learned how important it is to share yourself with the world. Holding who you are inside of you, not letting the truth of who you are shine forth, slowly kills your spirit. Fight for yourself, even if you're alone in your little corner of the world where no one else seems to think or feel like you do, even if your loved ones don't want to or can't understand where you're coming from. Don't succumb to stifling who you are. I did it for most of my life and there's no joy there. Believe in who you are. You are who you are for a reason. The world needs you. We're all here to learn and to teach others. So go stick it to them...