CHANGE

This year is a year of many changes. My oldest daughter got married in January. My oldest son graduated from law school earlier this month. My youngest child is about to graduate from high school in June and head off to college 2,700 miles away. My younger daughter will be leaving her college campus in the fall to study on a ship for four months in the Mediterranean Sea.

All of these changes are doing funny things to my heart. I’m happy for all four of my children. They’re growing up, becoming independent, venturing out into the wide, wide world to start lives of their own. This is what they’re supposed to do. This is what the job of a parent entails - teaching our children what they need to learn in order to succeed and be happy on their own. This is part of the cycle of life. I should be overjoyed, instead, I feel sad. I feel like I’m losing something.

I can say I’m losing my children, because it feels like I am, but this isn’t true. They will always be my children and I will always be their mother. I’ll just be mothering them from farther away, in a different manner.

What I’m feeling is a sense of loss. I feel like I’m losing my sense of place in their lives. After being their number-one-go-to-person since the day they were born, it’s hard to voluntarily relinquish this role to something or someone else. But this is part of the growing-up process, for children and for parents. We both need to step aside and let our worlds expand outside of each other.

Sometimes I think it’s harder for parents to allow room for their children to grow. In fact, it is harder for parents. I’m living proof. It’s a process that takes time. It requires a deliberate and conscious effort to release your child, who has been tethered so tightly to your heart since before birth. They, on the other hand, are eager to break their invisible bonds with us, excited to meet the world on their own terms. This is as it should be. They embrace their growth with arms wide open. I’ve gotten better at letting go with each successive child leaving the house. I’ve learned that the world doesn’t end when they spread their wings and fly away, although I still suffer through a mourning period each time.

All of this makes me realize that I’m a grown-up who is still in the process of growing up. I get a kick out of this. It makes me feel like a kid again. It means I still have potential. I don’t have to be stuck in who I am. I can grow and change…for the better, always, forever. It means I’m still learning new things, new ways of being, still realizing new depths to myself. We all are, all of us so-called grown-ups. That’s exciting. I’m learning to embrace change, to have the faith and courage to step around the corner to face the unknowns waiting for me. I’ve learned from past experiences that even when the thought of change brings dread, what lay ahead was just as good or better.

The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, said, “The only constant in life is change.” It’s a paradoxical statement, but it’s true. Change is everywhere – here, there, today, tomorrow, with me, with you, with everyone. It’s part of being alive. It’s scary and exhilarating…and it’s so necessary – to grow, to be vibrant, to learn our lessons, to expand our souls, to live, and to love. I invite you to be brave with me.  I invite you to be like our children.  I invite you to embrace change with open arms and allow life in.